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About Me Member Wise Ass indecisive-xFemale/Australia Recent Activity Deviant for 1 Year
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Reflected

there's a secret world down there, where everything is different and still the same...

Newest

back to the tune we played

Fri Jul 3, 2009, 7:20 AM
  • Mood: Gloomy
  • Listening to: Hallelujah- Jeff Buckley
  • Reading: Roses For The Anzac Boys- Jackie French
I just about had a breakdown today. And I'd been doing so well lately too: haven't been drug-fucked for a few weeks, haven't scratched for awhile, kinda felt normal for awhile.

Today it just went down the drain.
I was actually pretty good this morning. I was happy, a friend who's been kinda distant lately was actually fucking talking to me again, and I was just in a really bright mood.

Then I got stuck in the art room with two girls: one who's pretty awesome when she's one on one, and the other who I would happily never speak to again if I could have my wish. And they're best friends.
So I had to put up with an hour of them prattling on incessantly, and asking me questions I;d really rather not answer. I ended up putting my iPod in and turning it up full volume to make it loud and fucking clear that I wanted nothing to do with them. Could tell they were talking about me though; they're not exactly the most inconspicious of gossipers.
And then I just got into one of those rages and I scribbled in my art diary for a good twenty minutes because I swear to god, if I tried to do anything else, I would have hurt someone.

Hmm, yeah, turns out my mood was actually part of a hypoglacemia attack (yet another fucking part of this stupid fucking disease to love), which I hate because I have no goddamn control over myself. My head is fucking screaming at my mouth and my hands to shut up and stay put, but I don't do it.

I hurt one of my friends, and she was really angry with me, so I was basically outcast because the other two have been really distant to me lately (but I suppose that's my own mechanics, it takes a strong person to deal with me on a regular basis).
And when I tried to apologise to her, she just said "Whatever" and kept walking, and then I got pissed off because it was a sincere apology, so I stormed off and booted the shit out of a door in the toilets.
Then I found out my iPod was broken while some of the other girls we're using it, and I just fucking broke. I collapsed on the steps of our senior room and tried not to cry because that was just the last straw.

It sounds pathetic, but I really, really rely on that thing. Without it, I have to listen to my own thoughts, and that only ends up in me hurting myself or someone else. Well I already hurt someone today, which I feel really, really bad about, so I suppose it doesn't matter much now.
So since then, I've been in a really crap mood, and listening to depressing music isn't helping, but fuck 'em. I don't care.

I need a drink.

Anyways, so, give me your thoughts, what's your coping method when everything comes crashing down? Hide in your bed? Booze? Meditation? Expenditure of excess energy? Jackson Pollock style crazy emotion art?


deviantID

I'm female. Run for the hills boys lest I infect you with my cooties.

I'm 16. The age where the world does revolve around me.

I live in Australia. Drop bears and all.

I call a small country town home. I was raised on climbing trees, chasing sheep, and riding horses bareback.

I have Type 1 Diabetes. That means four needles every day. Druggo.


My hair can never decide what colour it wants to be. Today, it's black. Yesterday, it was dark auburn.

I have an unhealthy addiction to post-its. I have a wall covered in them.

My dreams are an alternate universe. Magic is real there.

Whoever said laughter was the best medicine is a liar. HUGS are.

I am the kind of girl that sneaks out of my house at night because a friend needs comfort.

I cannot drive for shit. Unless I get a curvy road, then I'm Peter Brock, babeh. Except for the whole being dead thing.

Nobody can quite put me in a 'label'. So far the best description I have heard is, a helluva lot of indi, a few spoonfuls of geek, a pinch of prep, and a dash of emo.

Music rules me.

i m a g i n e
k n o w l e d g e
d r e a m
l o v e
f r i e n d s h i p
h o n o u r
t r u s t
a c h i e v e

Devious Info

  • Current Residence: My own little fantasy where demons and angels dance together
  • Interests: Writing, photography, videography, cinema, sketching, ranting, trolley races, confusing people
  • Favourite movie: Interview With A Vampire, Hannibal Rising, Scream, The King and I, Dead Poets Society
  • Favourite band or musician: Jay Brannan, The Decemberists, Noir Desir, Relient K, Sugar Cult, Frank Sinatra
  • Favourite genre of music: Emo rock, INDI, old time swing, jazz, folk
  • Favourite artist: Jackson Pollock, I love that you have to draw your own intepretation
  • Favourite poet or writer: Anne Rice, Thomas Harris, Melina Marchetta, Arthur Golden, William Blake
  • Favourite photographer: Nan Goldin
  • Favourite style of art: I adore anything abstract where you create your own story, or meaning
  • MP3 player of choice: iPod Nano First Generation 4G (I NEED an 80G!)
  • Wallpaper of choice: We Have
  • Favourite game: Dynasty Warriors, minimal thought required
  • Favourite cartoon character: Stewie, Daria, Captain Planet, Xandir and Mushuu
  • Personal Quote: You're damn right you will!
  • Tools of the Trade: Camera, Arcsoft Photostudio, Pencil, charcoal, tissues, cotton buds, eraser

deviantART Notice

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Comments


Thank you for the favorite ^^

--
Love should go on all scales.
No matter what gender, religion, or colour you are, if you find someone you love. Go for it. Let no one hold you back.
Hi Lucy!

I only just realized you had a dA page. You've got some really amazing stuff on here :)

:heart:

--
You never know until the moment its gone, how bad it hurts to lose something you never really had.
Thanks!

Yeah, I've been on here for about year now I think.

--
“ Writing is like heroin. When you’re doing it you're flying and when you’re not it’s all you can think about, but no good can ever come of it and in the end it will ruin your life."
— Lisa Desrochers
thanks for the fav :hug:

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Life is to short to waste on stupid people eat a cupcake and shut up!
Thanks for the :+fav: on [link] :aww:

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"I shallz attacks chu wif mah jelly bear troops!!!!"
You have no idea how much I appreciate the fav on Caution: On Wishes. Thank you so much!
Not a problem.

It was a beautiful piece of work.

--
“ Writing is like heroin. When you’re doing it you're flying and when you’re not it’s all you can think about, but no good can ever come of it and in the end it will ruin your life."
— Lisa Desrochers

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